i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize