I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
