I hate all girls vehemently.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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