So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
