There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
