Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Bring me that man meat
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
