What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
