this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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