capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
