why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
