sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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