Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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