Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
