It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
