I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
