The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
