I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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