I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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