the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Slut skills are useful in every country.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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