ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
