Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
