I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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