and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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