He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
