went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
