Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
