The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
