Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
