Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I supernannyed him into submission
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
