I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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