If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
