mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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