"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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