So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
