If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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