hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The beer is more important than you right now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
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I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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