Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
