Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
