new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
His nipple licking is glorious
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