do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
