Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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