She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
