I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
