Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
