shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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