the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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