You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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