They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
