My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
