So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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