Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
