i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
