Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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