she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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