His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
