yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
