if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
