you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
