I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Vodka?
Forever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
