what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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