I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
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Do I have a choice?
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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