i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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