i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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