He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
