i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You are a genius and a whore.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
