we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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