That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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