he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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