You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
