you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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